Sugar High
by jediserenity82
Summary: Amara wasn't sure how long she stood outside of Kaidan's hospital room. Five, ten minutes maybe? She'd already tried several times to open the damn door, but each time she lost her nerve. After everything that had happened - Horizon, Mars… two years of her being dead - she wasn't sure where they stood anymore.


So, in ME3 while visiting either Kaidan or Ashley in the hospital, there's a kiosk to buy them gifts. Ashley ordinarily never survives Virmire for me, but the other day I decided to edit an old save to see how the game played out without Kaidan. That's when I noticed Ashley has all of these gift options: flowers, chocolates, books, while the only option you get for Kaidan is whiskey. So, I took a screenshot and posted it on tumblr, and this is the result. I stand firm in my belief that Kaidan would have loved getting those chocolates, and his and Shepard's visit would have gone much sweeter, because we all know chocolate makes _everything_ better.

HUGE thank you to my lovely beta and friend Mordinette for editing this for me, and for your unending patience with me! ;)

* * *

Amara wasn't sure how long she stood outside of Kaidan's hospital room. Five, ten minutes maybe? She'd already tried several times to open the damn door, but each time she lost her nerve.

After everything that had happened - Horizon, Mars… two years of her being dead - she wasn't sure where they stood anymore.

He'd asked her to come see him, that was a good sign at least. But then Shepard's insecurities began to gnaw at her. __What if Kaidan really doesn't want me here?__ she thought morosely. __Maybe all he wants is to tell me in person that he never wants to see me again.__ The thought made her stomach churn and bile rise in her throat.

What if he'd asked her here to tell her in person that he'd moved on? Was he still seeing that doctor he'd mentioned? Was she, or he, in there with him right now?

She didn't think her heart could handle seeing him with someone else. Not now.

Maybe not ever.

She could hear muffled voices just beyond the door, and knew the major wasn't alone. The deep rumble of his voice sent a pleasant shiver down her spine, as it always did. Amara couldn't quite make out the owner of the other voice, but it was definitely male.

Amara took a deep, shaky breath as she shifted her duffle bag into a more comfortable position on her shoulder. The idea of leaving the bag at the door and heading back to the safety of the __Normandy__ briefly crossed her mind. She was terrified of how this conversation might go. Things hadn't exactly gone the way she'd hoped on Mars. Kaidan had made it blatantly clear that he still didn't fully trust her, and as much as his mistrust and accusations hurt, she could understand why he felt the way he did.

 _ _Stop being such a damn coward, Shepard,__ she scolded herself. __Just get this over with, quick and easy. Like ripping off a band-aid.__

 _ _I can do this,__ she told herself. She was Commander Shepard. She could deal with whatever her former lover had in store for her. Gathering her courage, she pushed the door open and stepped into the spacious room, stopping in her tracks when she spotted Udina leaning his hands against the railing on Kaidan's bed, rising Amara's shackles instantly.

"I'd like an answer, Major. The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you. Now more than ever."

Amara felt Kaidan's eyes on her as she entered the room, the corners crinkling slightly as he flashed her a warm smile, and she felt her heart skip a beat. She'd missed that smile, the one that seemed to be reserved for her and her alone.

"You'll have it soon, Councilor. I promise."

Nodding, Udina turned to leave, catching sight of Shepard for the first time. His pleasant mask slipped and his mouth twisted into a sneer. "Shepard," he said in way of greeting as he forced himself past her.

"Udina," she answered mockingly, sticking her tongue out at his retreating back.

A warm, rich laugh tore her attention back to the man in the hospital bed. Amara was pleased to see he looked a millions times better. Though his handsome face was still heavily bruised, his eyes were sparkling and he seemed genuinely happy that she was here.

"Real mature, Mari," he chastised, though the amusement in his voice was obvious. "Thanks for coming. I-it's good to see you."

She smiled, taking a seat next to the bed, feeling his honey brown eyes on her the entire time. "So," she started, uncomfortable under his scrutiny. "What did Udina want? Still thinking about the Spectre position?"

He nodded. "I know it's a big honor. Huge responsibility. I just…" He gazed at her, his expression unreadable. "I just need to be sure. You know?"

They stared at each other, the tension rising between them until Amara cleared her throat. "Kaidan, I -"

"It's good to see you, Mari," he interrupted, reaching over to gently take her hand in his. It was warm and familiar, and sent Amara's head spinning. "I wanted to come see you. In Vancouver, I mean. I would have, but Anderson put me in charge of his Spec-Ops squad. I just…" His voice trailed off. "I'm sorry."

Amara shook her head, smiling as she waved off his apology. "No, it's okay. I understand. Really." Reluctantly, she withdrew her hand from his, not missing the hurt and disappointment on his face. "I brought you something."

Kaidan chuckled as she handed him the bottle of TM88-Peruvian Whiskey. "Whiskey." He turned to her, his lips quirking up into a smile. "Are you trying to get me drunk, Commander?"

She grinned, shaking her head, and pointed to his medical chart. "Sorry, Major. According to your chart, no alcohol consumption while you're on your meds."

"Ah." He laughed, the lovely sound doing funny things to Amara's insides. "Well, maybe once I'm out of here the two of us can crack it open sometime?"

Shepard felt heat rise to her cheeks at his invitation. "I'd love that, Kaidan."

"Then it's a date."

She bit her lip, trying to keep the happy, goofy grin that was threatening to break across her face when she suddenly remembered something. "Oh! I did bring you something that you can use now, if you want it."

The major's eyes danced with mischief as he leaned forward, his gaze locked on her. "Are you flirting with me, Commander?"

Flushing, Amara reached into her bag. "Well, I might be, Major. But I wouldn't want to distract you from these."

Kaidan's eyes widened in delight as she handed him a large box of chocolates. They weren't just __any__ chocolates, either. They were from his favorite shop as a kid, back home in Vancouver. How the hell she'd gotten her hands on these, he didn't know. "Mari… this is… incredible." He beamed at her. "How did you do this?"

"A girl's gotta have some secrets," she said evasively.

Reaching over, he grasped her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Mari. I mean it." He glanced eagerly at the box. "Share them with me?"

"I got them for __you__ , Kaidan. You enjoy them."

"I want to," he insisted, tearing the plastic from the box. "Don't argue with me. Technically, I outrank you now, you know."

She gaped at him, unable to hold back her laughter. "You're seriously pulling rank? Over __chocolates?__ "

"Damn straight I am," he declared, grinning as he offered the first piece to her. "Now eat it. You know you want to."

Amara playfully saluted him before popping one of the sweet treats into her mouth, savoring the delicate flavor. "Sir, yes, sir."

They sat idly for a long while as they devoured the chocolate candies. Conversation was easy and familiar, and for a brief moment they allowed themselves to forget about the war that raged around them.

She asked about his family back in Vancouver, and was devastated to learn that he had not heard from them since before the invasion. Mr. and Mrs. Alenko had been nothing but kind to Amara when Kaidan had brought her home to meet them on shore leave, just weeks before her death. She made a mental note to check refugee listings daily.

Reaching for another chocolate, she stopped herself when she realized there were only a few pieces left. She groaned. "I've gotta stop." She stood, stretching out her tired muscles. "If I don't, I doubt I'll be able to fit into my BDUs."

Kaidan's eyes darkened as he watched her stretch her arms above her head. "Oh, I don't know," he argued, his voice low and rich with appreciation as he drank her in. "You always could fill out a uniform better than most."

Amara forced a laugh, twirling a loose curl nervously around her index finger, while her free hand settled self-consciously on her belly. "Yeah, right. According to Anderson I've gotten a little soft around the edges."

"I like you soft," he whispered, a small, unapologetic smile touching his lips as he reached for her wrist, and with a small tug, urged her to sit on the edge of the bed. "You're still as beautiful as ever, Mari."

Her breath hitched, and she floundered for something, __anything__ , to say in response, but her throat was suddenly dry and words failed. She hadn't expected this, __nothing__ like this. Best case scenario, she'd expected friendship, but __this…__ She couldn't breathe. "Kaidan, I…"

"I miss you, Amara." Kaidan's honey brown eyes met hers as he clutched her hand to his bare chest, his face earnest and pleading. "I miss __us.__ I should have told you this a long time ago. But," he paused, taking a deep breath to collect himself, "I'm sorry for everything. For Mars, for Horizon… everything."

Shepard swallowed thickly and she tried, and failed, to stop herself from shaking. As much as she wanted to believe this was happening, there was still something she had to know. "What about the doctor?"

A frown creased his eyebrows as confusion settled over his features. "What doctor?"

Biting her lip, Amara looked away as tears pricked her eyes, remembering that horrible email he'd sent to her so long ago. "You told me in that email you were seeing a doctor on the Citadel."

Kaidan was silent for a few moments, until realization dawned on him and he laughed. Reaching over, he took her chin gently between his fingers, forcing her to look at him again. "That was one date, Shepard. A date that I didn't even want." He paused, slowly sliding his hand from her chin to curving around the back of her neck. "There's only ever been one person for me. There was never anyone else."

Amara heard a sound, something between a laugh and a sob, and realized it had come from her. She could feel Kaidan's fingers tangle into her silky curls, and before she knew what was happening, their lips met in a searing kiss.

She whimpered against his mouth as her own fingers slid up the length of his chest to cup his jaw. God, she had missed __this;__ the softness of his lips, the taste of his mouth, and the intoxicating buzz of his biotics against her skin. His kisses were warm, hungry, and tasted of the chocolate they had consumed.

They were both breathless when they pulled away. Kaidan could feel her body shaking as he drew her against him, soothingly running his hands up and down her spine. "I know we still have a lot of stuff to work out between us," he whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers. "But I want to try again, if you do."

Shepard nodded, feeling as if the galaxy had been lifted off her shoulders. For the first time in a long while, she felt whole again. She finally lost the battle, and the tears that threatened to fall before now trickled down her cheek. "Yes," she breathed against his lips.

"Oh, thank god." He exhaled his relief, wiping her tears away with this thumbs just before claiming her mouth once more.

Amara didn't want to leave. Ever. She wanted to stay here, wrapped up in his embrace, where she felt safe and loved. This was where she belonged, in his arms. Her sense of duty was too strong, however. There was still a war to win. "I should go," she told him reluctantly. "We're scheduled to leave for Sur'Kesh in an hour."

Nodding, Kaidan brought her hands to his lips and brushed the back of her knuckles. "I know. I wish I could go with you." Something passed in his eyes that she couldn't quite put her fingers on. "Be careful out there, Mari. Please."

She smiled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I will," she promised as she stood, raking her fingers through his hair. "Take care, Kaidan."

With a parting kiss and a promise to speak again soon, Amara made her way to the __Normandy,__ ignoring the confused looks strangers tossed her way.

 _ _Let them stare,__ she thought, with a huge smile on her face, still high on sugar and Kaidan's kisses. The huge grin on his face and happy chuckle she heard as she left had sent her head spinning.

"Hey, Commander," Joker said, swiveling his chair around to greet her as the airlock hissed closed behind her. He eyed her suspiciously, a knowing grin slowly appearing on his face. "I was going to ask how Kaidan is, but you look an awful lot like the cat who stole the cream, so I'm just going to assume things went well, and leave it at that."

Amara raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, for starters, you're grinning like a fool," he stated smugly. "Also, your lipstick is smeared and you have chocolate all over your face. Call it a hunch."

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, her face flushed with heat. Embarrassed, Amara stormed out of the cockpit, Joker's infuriating laughter trailing behind her. "Shut up, Joker!"

That only sent him into louder guffaws. Growling, she hurried towards the elevator, and ignored Traynor's startled expression as she punched the button that would take her to the safety of her cabin.

Once inside, she headed into her bathroom, gasping when she finally saw her reflection. Joker - the asshole - hadn't been lying, she was a mess. Her crimson lipstick had been smudged across her still swollen lips, while the chocolate outlined her mouth and trailed to her chin.

"Oh my God," she groaned, horrified. It was no wonder people had been staring at her! Grabbing a cloth, she began removing all remaining evidence when suddenly her omni-tool pinged, alerting her to an incoming message. She rolled her eyes when she saw who it was from.

 _ _Don't be mad,__ the message began. __You just looked so cute, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Besides, it's been way too long since we've had fun with chocolate. - K__

Amara fought the smile that threatened to bloom across her face. Long gone was the shy and insecure lieutenant she had met and fell in love with on the SR-1. This older, sexier Kaidan played dirty.

Words couldn't describe how much she loved this man. It was just a shame she was going to have to kill him when they finally released him.

 _ _Payback is a bitch, Alenko,__ Amara thought teasingly. She would make sure he thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. She definitely would.


End file.
